Dangers at Both Ends

Winner, Foot in Mouth Category
Jenny Heath, Mississippi State University

An unrelated, yet adorable, picture of our story's hero holding a cotton top tamarin monkey while on externship in Jackson, MS.It was a dark and stormy night in the equine corridors.  The time…3 A.M.

An exhausted vet student is trudging outside in the darkness. She is trying to reach the outer grounds of the complex, set on her mission. (Yes, this is already playing out like Jurassic Park in my mind. Just go with it.)

As she finally reaches the top of the hill, a long line of dim musty stalls greets her. It is very dark and deserted, the kind of quiet that you can only find in the dead of night, when even the owls have started to sleep. Thunder rumbles in the distance, and the animals themselves seem to sense the impending danger that looms on the horizon. They jitter and snort, stamping their hooves and tossing their manes in a nervous frustration.

The student walks cautiously, every nerve in her body suddenly hyperaware of her surroundings. She is alone, tired, and unexpectedly frightened here in the shadows. She fumbles for the light switch on a long metal post. It clicks up with a loud snap, and after a moment there is a fluttering and flickering of light above her. The bulbs are dim as they try to warm up, and she peers through the faint rays into the pitch black courtyard beside her. There is nothing but stillness. Occasionally a rusty gate creaks in the wind that is blowing in from the distant storm. The eeriness is astounding, and the student shakes herself a little, trying to rid the nervousness that has begun to seep into her bones much like her equine companions.

Have a painted a scary enough picture for you yet? Hmmm? Well get ready cause it’s about to get REAL.

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Puppy Goes to the Farm

Entry, Creative Corner
Brittany Murphy, Georgia

O to the farm we go

To run over the fields high and lo.

But wait! Bark, bark, growl

Around this strange, leggy creature I prowl.

My human just laughs and soon I see,

Horses are fun and their poop is TASTY!

Grain, hay, molasses….oh what delicious glories

Alas, later, my tummy didn’t agree with me….

A memorable emergency clinic phone call

Honorable Mention, Foot in Mouth Disease
Sara Waltz, Virginia-Maryland Regional College of Veterinary Medicine

During my breaks, I work as a veterinary nurse at an emergency hospital in Raleigh, NC. We field a lot of after-hours calls of course and some have a level of comedy associated with them so I write them down. This one has become a favorite of mine.  A man called me very concerned about his dog. This is how the conversation went. Please keep in mind, he had a very deep southern accent.

Me: “(emergency hospital), this is Sara. How can I help you?”

Gentlemen: “Well’r, I’m calling ‘bout my dog. She’s been ‘backed up’ I reckon for the last couple’r days.”

Me: “Sir, just so I understand, you believe she’s constipated, is that right? Has she been straining to defecate?”

Gentlemen: “Yes ma’am that’s correct. Well let me tell ya, I took her to the vet yesterday and that doctor said she couldn’t find anything so she sent me home with them an-ti-biotics. Well, she’s been on them now since yesterday and she’s still just not right. So I went ahead and stuck my fingr up ther--- I ain’t above it.

 Well, don’t you know, I pulled me out a little turdball. So I went ahead and stuck it up ther again to see what I could get. Now, this time I felt me something in ther. Then I remembered- I done gave that dog a chicken bone a few days ago and don’t you know that’s what I felt up ther in her butthole. So now, ma’am, what should I do….?”

Excuses...

Honorable Mention, Creative Corner
Foot in Mouth Disease, Lauren Sawyer

Excuses…

I spend more time in the library than I really care to admit, and probably more time than is necessary. However, of all my experiences there, one in particular sticks out in my mind as the most unique. Let me explain.

Each desk in the library has a privacy panel on three of its four borders, creating what I like to call, The Isolation Cubicle. Each cubicle faces another cubicle so that, were the panels taken down, students would be face to face with one another while studying. Since social interaction is entirely too distracting for students attempting to study, the isolation cubicle is the perfect solution. However, I found that it can also make for some amazingly awkward moments.

On a particular Tuesday, I had begrudgingly admitted that I was in need of a long, focused, study session and had dutifully sentenced myself to an afternoon in the isolation cubicle. After class I headed to the library, equipped with my computer, my notes, my favorite highlighter, a box of Cheese-Its, and a very large mug of coffee. I had just settled into the luxury of my isolation cubicle when I felt it. A large and heavy shoe kicked hard against my foot under the desk.

“Oh no you don’t,” I thought to myself

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That's Pathognomonic

By: Lana Chumney

Texas A&M University, Class of 2011

In our first year curriculum of vet school, we have a class called clinical correlates.  In this class we tour different production facilities to get a feel of how livestock are raised and what the producers, that will soon be our clients, do everyday.  This particular day we were touring the Beef Production Center.  It was cold and windy and was one of the few days in vet school that I can remember wishing I was sitting in a classroom. 

While looking at some cattle, our professor started quizzing us on Redwater Disease (Bacillary Hemoglobinuria).  He asked, “Now what sign is virtually pathognomonic for this disease?”  As our first year minds were still swarming with terms from anatomy and histology, we were perplexed.  After several seconds, he asked, “Does everyone know what pathognomonic means?”  I nodded a yes with the rest of my classmates.  Of course I knew this term; it seemed that I had heard it a million times just that week in microbiology.  I was also a master of root words, thanks to our anatomy class.  To my surprise his next question was, “Lana, please tell us what that means!”  As I flipped through my mental rolodex of medical terms I thought, “Patho= pathology.”  Yes, that’s correct.  And “pneumo = lung”.  This is too easy.  “Of course Dr. Smith, pathognomonic means pathology of the lungs.”  After learning the correct definition, I decided that this might just be pathognomonic of failure of correlates class!